Sethboyardee v2.0

Dashing Off....

2012-03-03T16:20:00.000-05:00

Here goes Sethy, the intrepid, daring, soon-to-win-a-Pulitzer-Prize for his photos of.... nothing. I listen to my scanner alot and wait for the calls for things like house fires that could possibly yield photos that would be newsworthy and able to add to my non-existent portfolio in order to land a job as an intrepid, daring, famed news photographer.

Right.

So far lessons learned have included the fact that my cell phone does NOT in fact update its location in any way shape or form unless it's exposed at a perfect 45 degree angle in a cloudless sky pointed due south to pick up GPS satellite signals. So for example, when I rushed out of the house just now to chase after a fire call (which naturally turned out to be absolutely nothing) I was unable to use my handy-dandy map function on the phone to find my way to the location. The phone showed me in center city Philadelphia, severeal dozen miles away from where I was.

Now, I did actually look at the Google map on the computer for a few seconds before rushing out. However, I am not THAT good that I could find my way correctly, and of course made a wrong turn, which, had there been Pulitzer-prize photo ops, I would have been several minutes behind in arriving.

Oh, I ramble.

Short version: I'm now even more depressed, the sun is getting low in the sky, and I've not used the camera at all. Fuck.

Miscellaneous...

2012-03-03T14:29:00.000-05:00

Oh I forgot to mention that yesterday I rubbed Fuzzy Boy's head. Yes, he was walking past and I just kind of blurted out "you have the fuzziest hair... can I rub your head?" and he said yes. And then he was "for good luck" or something.

LOL I only realized afterwards how awkward that could have been.

Mom and I just went for dimsum this morning and now home at 2pm with nothing to do. My burping and acid reflux thing (or whatever the hell it is) has been acting up since yesterday. Ugh. Gaviscon tablets are disgusting to chew.

No She Can’t…

2012-03-02T21:43:00.001-05:00

Ehhh… so-so day. Pretty busy.

The GM pissed me off (after I was already an hour late leaving to go home because I was kind enough to stay and make sure everything was done) by asking if Hippie Girl could be able to take stuff off sale in the system. The sale data in the system is of crucial importance, it’s VERY easy to really screw up and the data cannot be easily replaced - and she asked me 3 minutes after I punched out to give her instructions. Fuck that – I told her I will take NO responsibility if Hippie Girl fucks up an nothing in the store scans on sale. But I realized just now that Hippie Girl does not even have user account authorization to access that data. However, I will worry all weekend about having to discuss this with the GM on Monday (listen to her whine) about this sort of thing. The girl can’t even handle moving a shelf-tag when she moves the product that goes with it. Ugh I am totally peeved!!

Otherwise, nothing to report.

Test

2012-03-02T21:03:00.001-05:00

Test

Day....

2012-03-01T20:27:00.000-05:00

Golden Boy told me he made his 6 months of being sober. Congratulations to him!!

I wanted to strangle Flirty Boy this morning I was a bit stressed out and then we had some repair people working in the attic crawlspace and they had the folding door down. So when I walked past, Flirty Boy was pushing his cart and I went to step around him and ducked under the door and hit my head coming back up. Hard. Ow. And he was laughing and I suddenly saw red and was in a rage for a few minutes.

Then I was totally stressed out because I was troubleshooting not one but two technical issues. And that always makes me stressy.

But Mom was kind enough to bring me a ball of mozzarella for lunch along with some of her roasted peppers (one of the few things she can cook well - probably because it involves charring them) and some baguette.

And then there were all sorts of weird things going on with my sale item files in our POS - they suddenly disappeared and I freaked out. And there was a ton of stuff in disarray on my desk and on the computer. Hmm... I really don't do well when things are not neatly organized.

Finally by the afternoon I calmed down and got my desk organized and the files fixed and everything, and managed to accomplish some work.

All afternoon Flirty Boy kept doing his usual teasing. Ugh.

Mom has been craving tom kha gai soup so I made it tonite. Delicious (naturally!!) and I brought home some takeout chinese eggplant-and-broccoli-with-garlic-sauce to go along, but I bought it from the Chinese restaurant I always forget I don't like their main dishes just some appetizers and so it was truly gross tasting. Meh.

I am feeling a bit disjointed right now.

I have an appointment with my doctor in the morning - checkup and all that sort of thing. Now that I have the burping issue (mostly) under control... time to work on other problems. (Weight, of course, being the primary issue).

I really really really need to get to a therapist however - I'm just cracking up more and more as time goes on.

Ho hum.

Best....

2012-02-29T11:28:00.001-05:00

The local paper asks people to comment on "the best part" of the weekend state wrestling championships.

I had to refrain from writing: "all the wrestlers in their tight singlets" as my reply LOL

Testing Blogging From SETI-Phone

2012-02-29T08:20:00.001-05:00

Test test test. Mom has just mentioned that since our lease expires today she will be telling the landlord that we need to renew the lease for six months (not sure why she chooses that and not sure if the landlord will even agree) so I guess that settles that.

I confess that I was looking forward to painting my room but not sure I have the energy to move the bookcase and computer setup. Meh.

test test test doing something this is cool I am using the voice activated command

Fellow Leaving....

2012-02-28T06:52:00.000-05:00

Fare Thee Well and best wishes to "Doomed But Cheerful" (Gurney Nutting) who is leaving Blog Land and shutting the lights on his blog. Safe travels!!

Sir....

2012-02-27T14:50:00.001-05:00

I often greet or finish a conversation with Golden Boy by saying "Sir" in a jocular kind of way. Like "can you do this task for me, thank you Sir..."

But it popped into my mind... I wish I could call him "Sir" for real. Yes... wouldn't that be nice? Those powerful eyes... I imagine he's very dominant.... and some very kinky fantasies....

Shame he's not gay.

*sigh*

Nada Sunday...

2012-02-26T22:22:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the gastroenterologist so I can discuss what I can and can't eat for the most part.

Dieting.

Part of me wants to eat healthy.

Part of me doesn't give a shit.

Saturday Nada....

2012-02-25T22:25:00.000-05:00

Nothing much to report.

Went and visited a good friend at his store - except the store is filled with multiple scents and it irritates my allergies to the point my throat starts swelling a bit, necessitating Benadryls before and after. He's a good friend though.

Mom wanted chicken francaise for dinner. (I wanted pizza). I made it for her but I accidentally broke the sauce during cooking. Damnit.

That's all.

Boring And Lunch....

2012-02-23T15:13:00.001-05:00

So boring today.

Flirty Boy and one of the girls and I went out to pick up lunch from a local food place, and had a nice lunch outside in the sun. Because it's SIXTY DEGREES for fucks sake!! Gorgeous weather - except a bee started flying around already.

Is it bad of me to be hoping there is a building that catches on fire or something so that I can rush out and take pictures? Yes I suppose that's not a nice thing to wish for but....

I did not say anything further to Golden Boy about biking or anything else. I've not said anything that could really be taken the wrong way except maybe about the frying pans. I reserve all the sexual-innuendo and banter for Flirty Boy (I still keep responding despite promising myself not to get involved).

So boring today!!

Golden Bike...

2012-02-22T17:41:00.001-05:00

I had a short conversation Golden Boy about his bike activities, since we've had and will be having some nice weather, I asked if he's had time to ride. I know that he mentioned that biking relaxes him and he really enjoys it.

So we fell to a discussion about how his bike clothing is laying in his room dirty from his last ride (how very tempting!!) and so on and so forth. I kind of steered the conversation in the direction of the selection and type of bike clothing - learning that he wears the more traditional wool clothing instead of spandex-type materials. Well, both are hot - but the thought of him in a pair of tight spandex bike shorts makes me shiver inside. We did get to the point where he said he "would not want to be wearing any tight spandex" when it was too hot outside. Damn it. He was turning away and I said "oh, sure you'll look good in them" or something equally naughty yet pathetic. Ho hum.

Unfortunately, I was rudely interrupted by a phone call while having this conversation so we didn't get to discuss much more. Now I'm considering the next time I see him, to carry on a bit more with a discussion about whether or not he races bike or just rides for pleasure, and if he does race then I will be able to say something like "we'll have to get you one of those colorful tight spandex racing outfits" - a bit more twisted, devious, subliminal suggestion on my part. Double ho hum.

My fucking mother PISSED ME OFF right about then. She called the store like 4 times, and called my cell phone like 5 times, until I finally relented and called her back (interrupting and ending my conversation with Golden Boy FFS!!) thinking it might actually be important or even an emergency.

I should know better.

She wanted to know what time I was coming home for dinner so she knew when to bake the fucking potatoes. DAMN IT this was what she had to interrupt me for?

She had called the store, and I told them to tell her I was dead. But apparently after 2 or 3 more calls, someone told her I was nowhere to be found.

(Backtrack a bit: earlier this afternoon I had gone for a short walk by the canal path during my lunch break, and used FourSquare to check in with my location and posted that to Facebook)

So Mom saw my last location as the canal path, and coupled with the fact that no one in the store could find me, she immediately assumed the worst and began panicking about me being injured or dead. FFS I am 35 years old, perfectly capable, I have a cell phone, AND SHE FUCKING PANICS LIKE I AM FIVE YEARS OLD.

I called back and screamed at her because I was furious. She treats me like a baby, that's a given. She calls a dozen times. People at work must wonder. For FUCKS sake leave me the hell alone.

(Now she just emailed a half-apology and I responded with a nasty email "fuck me if I fell in the damn canal" whatever).

Argh.

Mistake Frustration Sadness....

2012-02-21T18:36:00.000-05:00

I was just climbing out of the car after coming home from work, and I heard on my police scanner that they had a house on fire in the next township over. So, I jumped back in the car and zoomed off heading towards the center of that town. Trying to find the address on my cell phone map, but not coming up with anything, I guess I figured I'd best head towards the town itself. So I zoomed along for a few minutes, hearing that they shut down the street the house was on.

However, I made a mistake and went the wrong way.

The township is large, and kind of wraps around a small town next to ours. So, I finally got the cell phone to pull up the right map (it was "Burd" Road but I tried spelling it "Bird" and "Byrd" instead). So, I realized the location was just a short distance from my house - IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. Had I headed towards that part of the township, I would have been there in a few minutes. Instead, I had wasted a good several minutes driving away from the actual location.

This sent me into major frustration - damn damn damn I was mad at myself for not taking a moment longer to wait for the map.

And right after that, I realized, they had shut down the road - and without a press pass credentials, I would not have been able to get close. I'm sure I could park and hump it up the road, but... arriving winded and out of breath is no good.

So, this in turn sent me into a major depression just now. Because I realized, I have no press pass, this weighs heavily on me. I have no access. How can I get some good pictures without being allowed in or near whatever the situation? And I can't get in or near, without having a pass, so I can't get the good pictures that would allow me to get a pass in the first place.

Ugh.

Ruined mood. Now I'm depressed.

FML

Size!!!....

2012-02-20T15:59:00.001-05:00

Oh boy that was a unique moment!!

Golden Boy came up to discuss something, and the conversation pretty much went like this:

Me: Well, what size do you think it is? 8 or 9 inches?

Him: I'm not sure can we measure it?

Me: I suppose - do you think you should measure it from the bottom or the top?

Him: I'm on the top.

Me: Which one do you have?

Him: It's the 9 inch one

Me: OK, 9 inches sounds good. Regular, or the heavy duty one?

Him: This feels like heavy duty

----------------------------------------------------------

I swear. That's about as word for word as I can remember it from moments ago. He was smiling. I was smiling. (I was also getting both weak in the knees and stiff in other places...) and of course he was standing over me since I was sitting down. GOD I just want him to.... never mind. *breathe*

For the record... we were discussing FRYING PANS what did you THINK I was talking about??!!?? We sell a line of non-stick frying pans and the stickers are always falling off so no one can ever figure out which is which. So it needed a barcode sticker.

Really.

Also for the record, he's got on his light-blue boxers with the dark-blue waistband. He looks good now that he was smiling - but when he came in before, he looked crappy. He seems to be a bit moody recently - I hope he didn't fall off the wagon and start drinking again. Oh well. Ho hum. Sigh. And so forth....

Work, And Dinner....

2012-02-19T23:35:00.000-05:00

I worked the morning shift today. Sundays suck. Lots of wacky customers - well OK more wacky than normal. And, there are none of the cuteboys working on Sunday.

I was just commenting on that same fact in my Twitter (@Sethboyardee by the way...) when I heard someone clocking in, and turned around, and it was Gorgeous Boy standing in all his glory. Haha surrounded by a halo of light and wearing just underwear. Right.

So, it was an easy couple of hours - and 6 hours of OT is nice.

Then, Mom and I decided we would go visit Grandma because we have not been there in like a month or longer. Ugh. I forgot to take a tranquilizer. Dinner with Mom and Grandma is a nightmare. Grandma of course is more than half-deaf, but will suddenly respond to one question with a totally different response based on what she hears. So Mom (and I) have to shout to be heard - this is even with her hearing aids in - so it's this sort of stilted half-conversation. I dunno. Then the waiter was sort of an ass. I mean I don't think he was trying to be an ass, but it was just like we were a half-step apart and off sequence and he just irked me. Mom ordered a burger - and this place has awesome burgers - but she wanted in char-broilled instead of grilled. (They have a giant charcoal pit they cook steaks and stuff - but if you order the burger, it gets cooked on the "grill" ((which is really a griddle or flat-top but for some reason is called the grill in most places) and not on the charcbroil. But of course, we've been going there for so many years we know this. But the waiter insisted the burgers all come off the grill and not the char-broiler, so it was a sort of half-arguement between him and Mom. Then he went away to place our order, and Mom is all huffing and puffing about how he BETTER NOT fuck up the burger and have it cooked the wrong method. And, since she orders her burger well done it takes 25 minutes to arrive. And she is all like well if they didn't cook it right I'll send it back and they will have to make it again (all haughty sounding) and I was like what and wait another half hour? So finally I saw a waiter who has been working there for years, and I asked him to please make sure to explain to the (new guy) waiter.

Thankfully, the burger was cooked correctly so we avoided a terrible, dramatic, full-blown Momthra attack. Honestly, the food there is not as good as it once was, for sure. But still yummy.

Grandma has actually made some progress in the house - cleaning out rooms of junk, she had 2 rooms painted (a very basic step in putting a house for sale) and just getting rid of shit little by little. She absolutely INFURIATED my Mom's good friend, who is a realtor and was going to take the listing, after she was kind enough to help Grandma with some advice, and Grandma went and dumped her for another realtor that is a friend of Rich Bitch Aunt instead. Whatever... sometime in the next century she will actually put the house up for sale - of course nothing has been discussed as to where Grandma is going if she ever does sell the house. Ugh.

Hmm. Nothing else.

Fire Dream....

2012-02-17T13:46:00.001-05:00

I had a terrible night of barely any sleep - back in pain and a major stomach ache too.

At some point I woke up very upset and afraid from a dream I had. I was in a supermarket - I knew it was the local Wegmans and I was one of the workers kind of a manager. I was walking down a back aisle, and there was a guy ahead of me wheeling along what looked like a cooler or big glass box - and he was spraying gasoline out of a small hose on top. I knew he was a terrorist (and stereotypically Arab) and then he threw a match onto a pile of products and the whole side of the store erupted in massive flames.

I was trying to get all the way down the aisle to a fire alarm pull station, but before I did someone else must have set one off and people started evacuating as the entire half of the giant store became engulfed in bright orange flames.

I wanted to call the police or fire department to tell them that I saw the guy and knew who it was and what he did - but I realized by the time I used me phone to call and get connected to the right police department (West Windsor) it would be too late or at least pointless. And in the distance I saw a fire truck arriving with it's lights full ablaze, including one of those spinners they sometime put on the front grill which was reddish orange and white colored lights/

So I was trying to make sure people evacuated, and then realized that people should drive their cars out of the parking lot away from (towards the back of the parking lot) instead of through the lanes in front of the store so they didn't block the fire trucks.

Then I guess I woke up, very afraid because I had seen this guy and seen the huge fire he started.

So this morning, Mom is discussing with me what we'll be having for dinner, and she said she wanted sliced smoked salmon, which she usually gets from the kosher deli at the supermarket. I said fine get whatever you want.

Then about 10 minutes later, I realized OMG she is going to WEGMANS to go food shopping. I got a little freaked out - a very bad omen the dream was - and I quickly called her cell phone and cried out "don't go!!!" to her.

Thankfully, she was still home. I'm sure it's nothing, but it still kind of made me a bit freaked out.

Fantabulous...

2012-02-16T20:43:00.002-05:00

Meh.
That is all.

Work And Play....

2012-02-15T20:31:00.000-05:00

My twin-emo-boy-cousins are still super-cute. But sadly, their music SUCKS hahaha. They are together a band along with another musician, and the last couple songs have absolutely blown chunks. They sing and play guitars. Oh well - still good to look at.

Speaking of blowing chunks - a couple hours after last evenings Mexican food dinner... WHOAH did it come back up violently at the porcelain throne. Ugh.

Anyway today was interesting. Flirty Boy and I spent much of the morning talking. At one point he was like "I miss talking to you" and I was like "really? I thought we were on talking terms" (we have been talking for at least a week) and I was actually getting a bit sad and then he was like "just kidding we are" and that made me happy. The truth is, I really DO enjoy talking and goofing off with him at work.

Of course, he also was back in a bit of a flirty mode - I have to watch that. At one point he said something and I was like "we talked about that sort of thing not happening anymore" or whatever.

Oh right - so at one point he was standing right behind me to my left, and trying to find a pair of scissors on the desk next to mine. I finally relented (I try and keep my stuff safely tucked away as my OCD has been outrageous lately and people touching things means I need to sanitize them *sigh*) so I know I have a pair of scissors in the top drawer. Without even really looking, I reached over, opened the drawer to get them out. Flirty Boy was like "whoah!!" because his crotch bulge was pretty close to that spot. And I replied "don't worry, I won't touch you there... without permission" and he was like "not gonna get permission" or something like that. I really have to remind myself not to get into those exchanges.

Golden Boy sounded so stuffy-nosed today, I said "are you getting sick you sound all stuffed up" (out of being genuinely concerned) and he was like "thanks" in a nasty tone of voice. Although I don't think he means it - sometimes he is so confusing with his replies.

So I actually had a nice day. Very calm.

On the way home, I gave Flirty Boy a ride into the center of town. When he got into the car, he reclined the seat all the way back, lay back and spread his legs wide. FFS - that's the sort of flirty shit that drives me bonkers!! I mean... come on!! But obviously nothing happened, he sat up a few minutes later into a normal seated position. Argh!!

Hmmm.

Oh right - so tomorrow is the big vote by the NJ State Assembly on gay marriage (it's expected to pass). The gay rights group is planning a big celebration after the vote is cast in the afternoon. (Of course, no one is looking at the giant elephant in the room which is the fact that our fat fuck Governor has sworn to veto it immediately. So it's sort of a bittersweet known-in-advance win.

Anyway, as with the past sessions, I was again planning to go and take pictures. But of course I am all upset about not having media credentials - will they let me in with my camera(s)?? I don't want access to the main floor (visitors and observers sit in a second-floor balcony when the legislature meets) or anything. But...

So I had the idea of why not call the State House they have like a tour / information office, and find out what the policy on photography is? The website lists no information (like the way some museum websites will specifically say "no photography" for example) other than that of course you will have to have ID and go through security.

So I called the office - and after the usual and typical bureaucratic bumbling (transferred to 3 different people) I asked the lady "what is the policy on photography while the legislature is in session" specifically mentioning I was considering coming tomorrow. Of course, she asked if I have a press pass "no, I'm not credentialed at this time" and I guess maybe she thought I was ... I dunno - some sort of professional documentary or something I'm not sure. I suppose now I should have explained I'm just a semi-professional or amateur photojournalist or whatever term would work best, but I didn't. So she said to give her my number and she would get back to me.

Of course, that was a crushing blow to any confidence. I suppose I could go, and take pictures outside when everyone gathers, etc) and perhaps even see if I would be allowed inside to the visitors balcony. But immediately I lost all my spine and now I won't go at all, I've already convinced myself it's pointless and a dozen other little reasons.

I've once again lost all motivation and confidence.

Ho hum.

Meanwhile, back in the store, one of the managers called me over to ask if I wanted to work the opening or closing shift on Sunday. I was like ummm... SUNDAY?? WTF? like a month ago, the normal Sunday manager was talking with another manager about getting coverage - he's off to Japan for a few months) and I said "I could work a Sunday.... as long as GM will approve it... let me know...." - well apparently, his idea of "let me know" was to simply pencil in my name in the schedule book.

She's lucky she asked me at all - because I would have not even had a clue I was supposed to work on Sunday. Hello, ffs. It's not like I ever check the schedule book, since I have a set schedule. Idiots!!!

So, I've taken the morning shift on Sunday - which is OK because it's supposed to be nasty weather - and I certainly can use a couple hours of overtime!!

Actually, it's better if I don't go to the gay marriage vote thing tomorrow - because if I did take off the day from work, they could try and stiff me out of the overtime.

Ehhh.

My Valentine...

2012-02-14T11:56:00.001-05:00

Golden Kiss??... No....

2012-02-14T09:32:00.001-05:00

I came in early this morning to reboot the systems. Golden Boy (coincidentally) works as the opening cashier. So while I was down there, we were talking about some of the local eateries. He mentioned that he likes QDoba, which just opened a store in the middle of town. I've never tried it.

Anyway, a little later on this morning, I came up to read some news and twitter feeds - and one of the "deals" offered for today's Stupid Hearts And Candy holiday is...

... QDoba offers "Second entrée free when you kiss someone in line"... oh my. I've half a mind to go down and tell him that and say... would you like to have... lunch... together?

Of course, I won't.

I was treated to a view of him stretching all the way up. Sadly his undershirt was tucked in, but so skinny!!

That is all.

Progress...

2012-02-13T15:38:00.001-05:00

A historic day for folks in Washington State where their Governor has just signed the bill legalizing gay marriage.

And the first part of a what could be just as important - the NJ State Senate passed the marriage equality law today. The bill has successfully made its way through judiciary committees from both houses of the legislature. On Thursday will come the final vote of the Assembly, at which point the act could become law....

.... however the fat fuck Governor of our state has vowed to VETO the law when it crosses his desk. This will mean that the battle is not won - and will require even more effort to round up enough votes to override the veto. A long battle for that - have up until 2014 to win that fight.

It would be SO nice if our Governor would just sign the fucking thing once (it's assumed it will) pass on Thursday.

Ho Hum....

Sunday...

2012-02-12T20:06:00.000-05:00

Nothing much is going on. I spent the entire weekend wasting time and sleeping in a depressed state. I have zero motivation. Less than zero. I didn't even go out for a walk. I guess I'm really going to have to find a therapist because I'm just losing it lately.

Mom is making her rumblings about moving - I should bring home a copy of the local paper so she can check the classifieds. Nothing affordable, blah blah blah. Whatever.

I'm sick of work. It's just tedious recently. But no, I don't plan on quitting just yet,, at least not without major changes in life. I am just fed up with the bullshit, fed up with being the only one who cares - the usual.

Tomorrow in New Jersey there is a vote on gay marriage - the house, then the senate on Thursday, and then it will just get vetoed by our fat fuck governor. I was originally excited about going tomorrow to take pictures - and planned on taking the entire day off - sort of like what was going on when the judiciary committee was considering the motion. But I never wound up going then, and I probably will wimp out tomorrow, and Thursday,. and not go at all. So much for my impulses to be a news photographer.

I have zero confidence. Zero motivation. Zero life. And time just moves by faster and faster and I'm just sinking down into nothing.

Hmmm. That came out sounding really really bad, even though I'm not in that foul of a mood right now. Just sort of... dull.

Woops 3 Days Missed....

2012-02-10T22:51:00.000-05:00

Woops. Nothing much to write the last few days I guess.

Weekend. Snow possible. Sethy will hibernate.

Maybe I'll take the new lens for a spin.

Lots of sleep needed.

Miscellaneous And Pictures... Yes, Pictures!!!

2012-02-07T22:19:00.000-05:00

Mom has decided the place she saw (to rent, that she wanted me to go inspect) was not going to work out anyway. So she's making noises about the fact our lease expires at the end of this month, and she's not going to renew for a year. Whatever.

I finally got some decent sleep last night after a few Xanax. My anxiety levels have been through the roof lately. (And depression of course) and I'm just so fucking tense and stressed out - even at work people are asking me whats going on. (Work is a big stressor too, of course... )

We had sleep studies scheduled (Mom needs one too) for tomorrow night but she canceled them - not sure if insurance will pay for them, and it's a new year so there is also a deductible issue.

I'm flat broke - completely. I've blown a ton of money on camera gear again, with a new lens. A macro lens. I just need the fucking motivation to use it. But I've always wanted to do some extreme macro (micro if you're a Nikon user) work so maybe once I get it out of the box....

I dunno.... nothing much seems to be happening. Work is dull despite being stressful just because I can't stand them anymore and constantly fight the "I give a shit but no one else does so why should I bother" battle with myself. I drive myself batty.

Ho hum,

I got pictures of Gorgeous Boy today - including an (inadvertent, honestly!) shot of his butt with his sagging jeans. Although butts don't really do anything for me. I discovered he's wearing baggy shorts on top of his underwear (I assume) both under his jeans. Dang it.

Oh hell... I'm going to risk Google closing my blog and post these 4 shots. There are no faces, but these are actual photos - two I took, and two of them from the FB pages of the boy in question.

(These will be removed shortly)

Finest Boy at the beach.Absolute perfection!! Miss him :(

Flirty Boy's tattoo. Looks silly to me.

Frat Boy shows off. The chest hair is disappointing.


Gorgeous Boy's butt, taken earlier today.

There... a treat for my readers!!

Sunday...

2012-02-05T20:41:00.000-05:00

Football, American style. Whatever - I could care less.

Mom thinks she found a house for us to rent. Yes... moving. The concept rears its ugly head in her near-future plans. As usual, I'm completely apathetic. I'm not even going to try and fight it or anything else. She found a place several miles away.

Actually, if we do move (it's nearly inevitable) the only thing I am looking forward to doing is to paint my room. For once I'm not going to stick with off-white blank walls.

Maybe something purple... or a maroon....plum... burgundy...

Meh.

Satyrday...

2012-02-04T23:02:00.000-05:00

Exhausting week - between the endoscopy, not feeling well from that and pushing myself to stay at work, and the entire week - inventory insanity plus first-of-the-month new sales and stuff... just chaos nonstop all week.

So I stayed home. And slept. All day.

Very good.

Mom and I went for Thai food for dinner to our favorite place. DELICIOUS but sooo much and filling and spicy. Lucklily, nothing major from the gastric regions... yet.

Pinky just vomited like the Hindenburg exploded inside her - all over the place in Mom's room - she achieved multi-dimensional, wide-area gacking.

Golden View...

2012-02-03T22:08:00.000-05:00

OMG

Golden Boy was up on a step ladder putting some stuff on the shelf. There was a small pile of boxes on the floor and he asked me if I could hand them up to him.

Hell yes!!

I was very close. And had a WONDERFUL view of his entire midsection when he stretched up. I resisted from openly staring for about 3 seconds and then just became entranced. He is SO SO skinny and smooth. Woot! People would probably say he's way too skinny - bony even - but I don't mind at all I like that look of course.

Ho hum. What a busy day this whole week has been crazy busy non-stop work. But the nice viewing was a bonus to end the week on a good note.

Flirty No....

2012-02-02T18:28:00.001-05:00

OK so I went up to Flirty Boy and asked him point-blank if he had made his decision as to where we stand on matters. He said he declines the offer and no to the situation. Which is good, he finally made an official decision.

Now of course, I know that's a much wiser thing - and I was more than likely to have canceled my interest even if he had said yes. It would have been tremendously awkward and complicated had anything even happened.

But of course, a part of me IS upset in that "I'm deprived of something I want" kind of way and was hoping for a different outcome. And I will always be tempted and aching inside.

But lets be rational.

I asked him, he said no, and I said that was fine. (waah!!) But I also did make it clear to him that the flirty shit has got to stop - the comments, innuendos, and so forth. We will remain social in a co-worker kind of way, but nothing more. And the first time I wind up in a little flirt situation (I'll have to remind myself not to also) I'm going right back to the cold silence. But for now, we left on a good positive note.

Oh... and I also noted, he was wearing his UnderArmour shorts - so while I figured it was a strike-out kind of day, I also told him I wanted them. I think he was shocked/embarrassed but that offer went nowhere quickly. And no I have no shame in my perverted ways. Maybe... no I'd best not push it.

So, that's all done with - it's almost a relief. I am not going to let myself get all upset or depressed, I'm a bit sad but also happy to have clarified the whole situation. And it's nice to be able to remain casually friendly with him.

Golden Example...

2012-02-02T18:08:00.001-05:00

OK so this is a kind of Golden Boy comment that could make him sound like a snippy sarcastic asshole OR could just be a neutral statement all of it's own.

Me: "Don't burn yourself out" (discussing not sleeping and doing too many work hours)

Him "right, thanks for reminding me"

Now the tone of the voice is right on the line between sarcastic / nasty and just a general reply with no particular inflection or hidden meaning. So confusing. For this instance, he did NOT mean anything by it other than just replying. I think once he even told me he knows that people don't like this about him. Always have to pause a moment to figure him out.

Inventory...

2012-02-01T16:19:00.001-05:00

Fuck. Douchebag GM put Gorgeous Boy to work with someone else even though I tried to get him assigned to me. Fuck her.

For the record Gorgeous Boy has on nameless (no waistband logo) black underwear - definitely not tight, but sort of loose and what an ass!! (Not that it's my favored view but...

I have a splitting headache but I don't want to cause a fucking problem.

I AM SICK OF THIS PLACE FUCK THEM ALL

Here Anyway...

2012-02-01T09:43:00.001-05:00

Flirty Boy actually said "what's up" (the equivalent of good morning) to me this morning when I walked in, and we had a few other polite words. Amazing - maybe he took the hint after I told him it would be nice if he would (learn some manners) say hello once in a while.

So now I'm left feeling slightly awkward about the whole overtly sexually-charged thing. Part of me feels it's just a really bad idea to become involved in something - especially if part of it's a bit of bribery on my part (although at the same time I don't feel too much shame about that - well maybe I do). But just in general - oh and of course the fact part of me is somewhat attracted and I have been having naughty thoughts, part of me is not really into anything sexual anyway, so that's doubly confusing.

I do think I need to follow through on a final definitive answer from him either way so I can let the subject go and move forward, that will be the smart thing to do and relieve much stress in my mind.

I'll give him until Friday, for real.

So, I'm here at work anyway. Despite weeks of bitching about the inventory procedure - truthfully it's a part of my job, despite how demeaning and pathetic it really is when much of my job is to eliminate the need for 1970's era mentality of pencil and paper.

I guess I should have stayed home yesterday - and especially gone home when I felt so so bad in the afternoon - but as always I made a sacrifice to stay and do my work - and truly that's what pisses me off - because I get shit in return. I've done that is past jobs - going way above and beyond - and it never really turns out right in the end.

This morning, I overslept. Part of me was going to slightly wimp out and let Mom call me out sick - or for having to drive her to some emergency appointment so that I did not have to go to work. I did not want to get out of bed.

So of course I started having a hissy fit and getting raged up about things in general - the whole depression issue in the forefront being the true root of the problems in my mind. I took 2 Xanax to calm me down.

So now I'm here - mellowing out as the Xanax take effect.

I have decided completely I am NOT going to get upset, stressed, pissed off, and I am certainly NOT GOING TO CARE ABOUT ANYTHING anymore whatsoever. Fuck me but no one else cares I am not going to get worked up trying to do my job correctly or going above and beyond the call of duty so to speak. At this point, I don't care about the job at all.

OK... back to work.

Flirty Ultimatum...

2012-01-31T21:42:00.000-05:00

I had a discussion with Flirty Boy today right before I left work. It was so obvious he wanted to talk - so finally we wound up in the office together alone and he was browsing his Facebook on the computer next to mine, and had a picture of a guy and a girl, and he asked me "would you do him?" and I kind of ignored him, and then he was like so what's wrong why aren't you talking? And I said to him, because of comments like that!! And other things. And we kind of went back and forth a bit - and finally I was like OK I've decided - it's time for you to either put out, or shut up. He was kind of a bit taken aback, but in a flirtatious way as he is wont to be. I kind of pushed the point, because I really AM serious. I'll talk to him - depending on his decision which we discussed in detail - he's kind of afraid and we kind of skirted around the issue and I told him he has to decide by say, Friday. Because, actually whether or not he does - I'm not going to stand for the flirty shit and sexual innuendos any more. It wastes my energy and plays with my emotions. Now of course, whether or not he decides to actually go forward, I'm still not going to want to deal with his shit. But I reiterated that I AM serious. In the meantime, I will back off a bit. I'm not really sure which way he will go... and I'm not really sure how I will really respond.

Then, I felt a bit like I gave in and showed weakness when I did not really want to. But I also decided, perhaps I can play it off and say "you know what, I've decided not to..." or whatever. I mean, it could be seriously awkward. And truthfully, I'm not sure I want to go down ~~on him~~ that road anyway. So complicated, so confusing. So I feel like I kind of gave in, and gave up my moral high ground, after weeks of ignoring him. Now, if he declines or whatever, then it will make me look a bit desparate - and I consider that then as a loss. So I sort of feel like I failed here.

And if I stop talking to him again, then it will seem like I am being petty and vengeful and like a baby - scorned and rejected so I stop talking to him again. Which just looks bad. But I'm not sure. I guess have to really see how it plays out the next few days - but I definitely WILL put him on the spot to make a decision, so I can see where our work relationship is going, and whether or not I'm permanently giving up talking to him. I guess I will have to remain polite with good mornings and hellos, but nothing beyond that - especially the flirty innuendos and stuff.

So confusing my head is all over the place and so awkward already. I put myself in these awkward situations many times in the past - unattainable desires, straight boys - all sorts of pathetic shit from the past. I vowed never to be weak - or show weakness or desperation - and yet I fail again. And all I get for it is some heartburn, a head full of anxiety and depression, and a sour empty feeling in my soul. Pathetic failure as usual - still alone, still not learning how to balance reality with desire.

*big sigh*

In other news, Golden Boy got his 5-month coin from AA - good for him. He's so much better when he's sober - today he actually looked good, shaved, hair in a ponytail, etc. When he told me he got his coin, I shook his hand in congratulations. (OK, I'll admit a hug would have been awkward hahaha).

And in further news, for lunch I had a nice Caesar salad with grilled swordfish on the side. And about 20 minutes after lunch, I got the most terrible burning pain in my gut, followed by the return of the constant nearly uncontrollable burping. I felt like I was going to throw up, and imagined my gut and stomach melting and bleeding. Oh it was awful. I really was ready to almost pass out and came so close to going hom, but I had a ton of work. I called Mom because it got so bad and I was a bit freaked out - and she of course started freaking out all over again - should I go to the hospital I might be bleeding to death internally they could have done something from the endoscopy, on and on. I finally called the nurse from the gastreoenterologist, she recommended I add Gaviscon to my regimen (apparently I forgot the doctor told me to use this in addition to the Zantac) and if it didn't clear up in several hours to call them. I just tried some tonight we'll see how it does.

I took a Zantac after the heartburn began, as well as a glass of milk and then peppermint tea - and finally it seemed to calm down. (Of course, as I write this, the burping just returned LOL). So I really have to let my tummy settle again, especially if it's irritated at all from the endoscopy and biopsy.

After stressing for weeks, still up to the last minute, I've decided I am NOT going in to work tomorrow. Fuck it. I don't care if the fucking Pope is coming to help with our stupid-ass "inventory" with pencils and papers I find it embarassing and pathetic. And I'm going to be sick tomorrow. Fuck 'em they can survive without me. I should have stayed home today too.

Breathing...

2012-01-31T17:29:00.001-05:00

I posted on my FB account "Gaaah, the incompetence grows worse..."

Someone replied: there is no such thing as total 100% incompetence. You have to get a point for breathing I think!!! How many inyour work place are members of Menza besides you!!!!

My Reply: Breathing is a basic function of the brain stem. It does not require any higher brain function. A few of my co-workers have less intelligence than your average chimpanzee. (And some of them smell worse)

Gorgeous Boy is here - he's suddenly changed from a sort-of-conservative-slightly-dorky kid into a wanna-be cool sagger dude. Black underwear, no waistband seen, but loose material. Dang it.

The Scope....

2012-01-30T21:57:00.001-05:00

Oh right so I forgot to blog about my adventure. (backposting I'm writing this Tuesday)

Mom has been more freaked out for the last week or two - you would think I was undergoing organ transplants. Constant nagging and worrying to the point it drove me insane and my stress level thrhough the roof.

Went to hospital early in the morning - they have a whole suite of rooms dedicated for gastroenterological procedures and it was damn crowded!! So of coure the receptionist can't find my name on the list (Mom had said on Friday they called to confirm the appointment, but had mentioned going to the regular office, even though I was told had to do it in the hospital because the gurneys they have at the office don't hold fat people very well. It was fine with me - figuring any respiratory or deathly complications, might as well be in the hospital anyway with more help nearby). Mom was practically having a nervous breakdown in the waiting room,. and I was gritting my teeth trying not to scream at her. I made her take an anxiety pill (I'm the one having the frigging procedure, mind you!!) So after a bit of waiting, they finally seemed to figure out the appointment, and the woman came out to register me. They took me back a few minutes later.

For those who haven't had any sort of similar procedure, they basically stick a fiber-optic scope down your throat and into the upper regions of your intestinal tract. (They also do other similar procedures, including ones starting from the bottom end yuck LOL). You can Google it. It's considered a "non-invasive procedure" (althougbh sticking a 2-foot long length of tube down my throat kind of seems like that's an oxymoron but they mean it doesn't involve cutting the person open.

So basically they have a little dressing room area and a couple couches to sit and wait. Ugh - had to strip down naked except for shoes and socks. I hate that - was honestly hoping I could have kept my sweatpants on. But they give you gowns. So awkward. So I changed, and waited a few minutes. They have several monitored beds in the little recovery area, since many patients get full anesthesia.

They took me into one prep room, where they get set up with basics - inserting an IV with saline solution, pulse-ox monitor on the finger, and leads for blood pressure and pulse monitoring. The nurse was very good, found a vein the first time on the top of my hand (why they all insist on trying in the antecubital space (aka the inside of your arm where the elbow bends) and then trying someplace on the arm - when I tell them all not to bother *shrug*) so she hooked me right up. Now fitting in with the stylish patients with tubes and wires all connected, the doctor came in to see me. He said there was bad news, that the anesthesiologist was not available - so I was going to get the "twilight sleep" moderate anesthesia and some throat-numbing spray. Ugh - I didn't want that but what was I going to say at that point.

So they wheel me into the procedure room. It's not a full operating theatre, just a room stuffed with equipment. Suddenly, another doctor walks in - turns out it's the anesthesiologist after all so she can knock me out.

For the procedure, they have your roll onto your side ("can you please cover my buttocks, the gown fell open!!") and they insert what is basically a combination mouth-guard and gag wrapped around your head, with an opening in the mouth - prevents you from biting down (or closing your mouth, for those kinky amongst you!!) and provides room for the doctor to insert the scope.

So, I think they said " are you comfy...."

.................
.................
.................
.................

.... and next thing I know, I'm in the recovery room.

Man... drugs are good, mmmkay??!!

Obviously I survived. Although I think the nurses in recovery wanted to kill me, because I kept (purposely) slowing my breaths down to like 2 per minute, and the monitor kept beeping an alarm thinking I was dying. What else is there to do when laying on your back groggy but feeling wonderful? Tee hee he.

So, basically I recuperated for a bit and that was it. Once I was feeling good enough to get up, I changed, and went back. Mom stopped having a complete panic attack after seeing I survived (and after downing at least one - although I suspect more - tranquilizers herself). Next time SHE needs to get a shot of the Propofol. Hehehe.

That was about it - I went and spent the rest of the day at home, watched a bit of TV, long sleep.

Although I must say I had a HORRIBLE night sleep - awake every hour and crazy weird dreams - probably from the meds.

I'll get the results of the biopsy (they biopsy the stomach and stuff automatically) in 5 days and I assume there was nothing drastic or the doctor would have said something.

Survived...

2012-01-30T20:18:00.001-05:00

Well, I survived.

Meh.

Procedural...

2012-01-29T20:33:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow morning I go for my endoscopy.

Wish me luck and if I don't come back... see you in the next life.

Heh. Mom is freaking out - she's acting like they are doing a heart, liver and lung transplant all at once on me. She hasn't shut up in days with the "what it..." and "do you think you'll be allright.." type comments. (Note: an extra-long backrub as Mom frets over me - have more surgeries?).

Anyway - I'm not really nervous at all. OK well maybe just a tiny little bit - mostly I wish I didn't have to change into a gown and could wear just comfy sweat pants. (Some reports said I could, but I don't think so) because I am going into the surgical suite - because they usually do the procedure in the doctors office, but their table/gurney there is not big enough or strong enough for fat people so they have to use the hospital facilities. Ho hum.

Anyways...being overly melodramatic and paranoid the way I am - if I really don't show up by the middle of the week - it's been fun.

I'm not allowed to eat after midnite - like a Gremlin.

I hope I'll think of a cuteboy when I go under.....

Out....

2012-01-28T19:21:00.000-05:00

I was really looking forward to going out to the opening of a new club in NYC.

I'm not going.

Imagine that.

I just don't have the energy, both physically and mentally. Mom and I went for dimsum this morning, which involves what I sometimes consider a schlep to Philly. Then I spent most of the afternoon putzing around, and got very tired early this evening. My burping/heartburn also came back with a vengeance (I'm thinking something in the dimsum, because have not had it all week really). And I'm still tired, and incredibly depressed, and it's after 7pm I just woke up from a fitful nap. If I was going to take the train to the city (I had strongly considered it instead of driving) I would have to have caught the 8pm or 9pm train, but have not even had dinner as of yet, I usually don't like to eat right before I go out. So train is probably not gonna happen. I'm tired and now I've lost all interest in going anyway. Another crushing blow to my already fragile psyche - I've given up to myself and set myself up for failure, and will wind up sitting home. Fuck.

I've been incredibly depressed - I realized ALL my accquaintances are busy being healthy - losing weight, excersising, being social, being active, living life. And I am just killing myself - slowly but steadily. As I gain weight, do nothing, have no "life" whatsoever. I'm just fucking beyond caring. The usual set of problems are manifesting themselves - I'm starting to hate my job (well, I've completely stopped caring about it); another move to a new home is imminent; but of course I'm stuck in the usual loop of not being able to afford my own place, not being able to just. fucking. escape.

Oh for crying out loud. The usual drama.

Fuck it.

Flirty Continues...

2012-01-27T16:37:00.001-05:00

Flirty Boy situation is interesting now. It's been like 3 weeks since I have not talked to him, except for one or two strictly store-business-related questions. Today several times he's given me a look, like he wants to say something. Can sense that, right?

So this afternoon, I decided to get some sushi from the place right down the street. I was talking with another employee and realized Flirty Boy was right there in the room. (We used to get lunch together often). But I completely ignored him and finished my discussion with the co-worker about what to order.

So a few minutes later, I was driving down the street, and I passed by him, although I don't know if he saw me. The restaurant I went to was about 2 blocks further down, so I parked hopped out of the car, and picked up the food. As I was coming back out and heading to my car, of course Flirty Boy comes walking. I kind of angled away, but I couldn't really completely ignore him - and he smirked at me as he walked by.

I sort of felt guilty at that point - that I was being so harsh to him, had completely ignored him, gotten food without him. And for a brief moment I felt a bit sad that he was walking alone. However - fuck that!! That's the way he treats me and I'm always alone too.

So this afternoon, he looked even more ready to say something and kept making eye contact. Then, I was on my way out to the main floor and he was in the hallway and, as I've been doing for three weeks, I walked right past him... and he said "wait" but I replied over my shoulder "I'm going somewhere I'll be back" - and I never did get back for a while.

He left a little while ago without saying anything. *shrug*

Stock...

2012-01-25T13:32:00.001-05:00

Golden Boy unloaded 20 cases of a mis-pick and stocked the shelves - I was in office grumbling about them not checking tags before they stock (a common problem).

Then like all the managers went down and made a big production (although not truly mad) and after they decided we have to ship it all back (including re-forming the broken-down cardboard boxes)

After they left I went over and said "is there anything I can do to help" but he was just like "you're drawing attention to my mistake... just leave the area... leave me alone" - oh well. Now he's pissed.

Not my fault but I feel a bit guilty and bad for him too. Someone said he's probably not really mad at all but... with him it's always such a hard read as to his real mood compared to his condescending/sarcastic/snippy replies.

GBo^UCOTD

2012-01-24T16:52:00.001-05:00

Purposely dropped something on the floor so he would have to bend over.

Underwear = white color... they don't appear to be boxers - but perhaps very loose boxerbriefs a size or two too large? Unable to see waistband for brand.

Meh....

2012-01-24T10:17:00.001-05:00

Haven't talked to Mom since last night after a major arguement over dinner. SCREAMING and me banging my fist on the table miserable bitch. SHE starts it, sad to say - getting all bitchy about making dinner and it just escalates - and she was in pain with her knees so it was worse with her temper.

I had massive burping all evening, then it tapered off, then picked up again this morning. Perhaps it really does have to do with stress and emotions.

Today I was planning on either calling out completely, or at least taking a half-day, so I could go to the quasi-rally before the NJ State Judiciary Committee meeting about legalizing gay marriage. I was going to take pictures.

This morning I woke up with a pain in my gut and massive burping again. So I felt like crap. The weather looked a bit gloomy - it was supposed to be mostly sunny and 50 degrees, but was showing 42 degrees and grey as slate. I just putzed around and could not get myself in gear. Woke at 7:30, then it was 8:30, then 9am... and I finally decided fuck it, I didn't feel well enough or have the energy to go to the stupid event.

I didn't go.

So even though I called out for a half-day (told them I would be in by noon) I just came in to work now at 10am. Meh.

Slightly foul mood but not terrible. Worse however, is the fact the GM is back to work, she had jury duty call yesterday and was honestly hoping she would be gone all week. Double meh.

Slighted....

2012-01-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

(written earlier today)

I'm actually having a little sad mood swing, neurotic like I mentioned earlier a jilted schoolgirl with my secret crush. Golden Boy passed by Flaming Boy, and gave him a quite cheery "Hello, Flaming Boy, how are you doing?" greeting. When I GO OUT OF MY WAY TO SAY HELLO EVERY DAMN DAY I get little more than a one-word answer, bedgruginly muttered if he's in a foul mood.
I know, this is completely pathetic.

But I actually felt well... inferior or something. That made me sad immediately, now I want to cry a little bit. I mean, I'm GOING OUT OF MY WAY TO SAY HELLO EVERY DAY to him - and especially trying to be nice because of his problem - and it's always difficult enough to figure out when he's being seriously nasty or when that's just how his response sounds.
So then I begin to second guess myself an d wonder- am I being too aggressive - blinded by my obsession and lust - in GOING OUT OF MY WAY TO SAY HELLO EVERY DAY or not? I try, right?

So what's the fucking point - I get nothing in return. I don't mean I expect him to kiss me or anything, not even the least bit romantic ffs - but just once I'd like HIM to say good morning to be - or be a little more cheerful or even receptive. It's sort of what goes on with Flirty Boy - why should I bother GOING OUT OF MY WAY TO SAY HELLO EVERY DAY and no one bothers to say hello to me if I were to walk in in the morning and not say hello first I would just get ignored..

Fuck it I hate people here now. I am having a small nervous breakdown for the most petty and pathetic reason imaginable.

I'm losing my grip slowly. No, I won't do anything or make anything of it - and it won't happen in any way - but for just once I'd like a little friendliness back in return when I GO OUT OF MY WAY TO SAY HELLO EVERY DAY.
Fuck.

Hat...

2012-01-23T15:35:00.001-05:00

So Golden Boy is wearing a winter cap. And I noticed for once, that his hair is either all tucked underneath (usually it's hanging out the edges) or else he got his hair cut.

So I walked back past him again and blurted out "did you get your hair cut off??" while standing sort of behind him. But I think sounded like a TOTAL idiot. I think my tone of voice was curiosity and surprise - questioning - but could have sounded a little but condescending or something.

(For the record, I have a picture of him with his hair shaved off and he looks just as hot if not hotter with close-cropped hair)

Ugh. I feel like a stupid little schoolgirl embarrassed after talking to the boy she has a crush on.

Well, I suppose that's what I'm like anyway....

Justice...

2012-01-23T14:57:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow, the state Judiciary Committee is hearing arguments about a bill to legalize same-sex marriage in NJ. This is a huge issue - after the last defeat in year 10.

The state equality group is planning a huge rally and filling the chamber with supporters.

Of course my usual dilemma pops up: do I go and take pictures and pretend to be a quasi-photojournalist, or just go in support. Of course I'm leaning strongly towards taking pictures. But as usual, I worry about access, without a press pass. Will they allow me inside with cameras?? The meeting is open to the public - so I suppose I could go in anyway. I just get nervous.

I also have to figure out what to tell them at work. But this is important - so I am going anyway.

Morning...

2012-01-23T14:50:00.001-05:00

This morning I was actually quite relaxed. I think I got some good sleep last night, and felt relatively good. And a nice warm bacon-and-egg breakfast helped.

A small moment of technical difficulty got me a bit riled up but I returned to calm soon after.

Golden Boy has just come in to work - looking pretty good except he has his hair up under his hat. Actually, he (would) look just as hot with no hair (or in this case under the hat), if he were to cut it all off.

He just brought me a sticker - and I really wonder if he just knows how much I lust for him. The usual ho-hum but I'm not going to get depressed right now.

Sunday Fishy Herbs...

2012-01-22T20:56:00.000-05:00

My burping issue returned today and I felt like total crap. Of course the pizza the night before did not help. I dunno - have to see what the endoscopy shows.

Mom has been bitching that we never get for Asian food - she wanted dim sum, or Vietnamese, or Thai food. Despite feeling totally like I wanted to puke and fall asleep, I said fine we'll go for a late lunch at the Vietnamese place.

It's delicious food. Except I ordered what I had last time, the beef wrapped in grape leaves, as the do-it-yourself-wrap platter. However, when it came out, we noticed this horrible, fishy, disgusting odor coming from the plate. I was immediately turned off and tasted one and they tasted awful. Mom was freaking out a bit because it smelled bad/weird. So we sent that dish away.

It turns out, after some investigation and broken-English explanation, that the problem was one of the herbs that came as part of the garnish and wrapping ingredients for the dish. (The dish comes with rice paper, lettuce leaves, mint, basil, carrots, cucumber - in huge unwieldy chunks. On top of that, last time they also put Perilla among the herbs. It has a strange taste - similar to shiso leaves in Japanese cuisine.

However, this time they put another herb on the plate (despite the waiter indicating that we were an "American" table in their order system LOL). So when the dish came out, this herb was right there. I finally Googled it (on my smart phone, yay!!) and found this:

The herb is called "Fish mint" or "diep ca" in Vietnamese.

Common names
Vap ca, Fish mint, fishscale mint

Botanical name
Houttuynia cordata

The heart-shaped leaves of this herb have an unusual slightly sour, fishy flavor. Some folks love rau diep ca's tangy qualities and others focus on its unusual fishiness. For this reason, it's not commonly found at the Viet table. I enjoy it with boldly flavored grilled meat. Interestingly, a variegated form of this herb is often planted for decorative purposes.

Availability
At Viet markets mostly since it's not widely eaten.

---------------- snip

Interesting. But gross, to be honest.

Next time, have to make sure they DON'T put that one on the plate.

Happy B-Day To....

2012-01-21T10:57:00.002-05:00

A wonderful, lobster-and-steak-filled happy birthday to naturgesetz !!!

Friday...

2012-01-20T22:03:00.000-05:00

Nothing much to report. Work was dull. Evening is dull.

Supposed to snow heavily tomorrow - first snow of the year (and of the new year) except for that freak October thing. Whatever. Mom wants to go for dimsum. But there is a convention in Philly and it's Chinese New Years (happy one to any of my Asian readers)

Oh, and tomorrow night is a club event - a new club opening in NYC - I'm tempted to go. I should go out and get out a little - before my life is totally over.

Ho hum

Breakfast...

2012-01-19T10:42:00.001-05:00

For some reason this morning I woke up feeling like crap - almost like I had a hangover. Even though we didn't drink. I think the duck and the food at the buffet kind of grossed me out (I'm surprised I have not gotten food poisoning) and of course I had a shitty night sleep.

By the time I dragged my ass out of bed, putzed on the computer, and showered, it was 8:35. Usually, if I leave by 8:30 or 8:35 at the latest, I can make it to work around 9 when I am due in. However, I was still toweling off at 8:30, not yet dressed, primped, fed or watered. I pondered Cheerios, and suddenly realized I would feel like shit if I did not have a hot breakfast.

I called work and told them I would be a half-hour late, because I figured I would stop for breakfast in town.

So I debated between a little quasi-diner Greek place, or the local pancake joint, fancying some good old bacon and eggs.

I should have gone with the pancake joint.

But I went to the (overpriced) diner - not so friendly - and when the food came, the bacon smelled horrible. Overpowering "pork" kind of smell it completely turned my stomach. I mean there was nothing wrong with it, it just wasn't a kind of bacon I like and gross. So I quickly shoveled in the eggs and ran out.

Bleh.

And to boot, I've got a bit of heartburn :(

Plucky...

2012-01-18T22:55:00.000-05:00

Today was ok - tension and a bit awkward when Flirty Boy is around but what the hell. HE will never figure out that a simple hello would get him back in my good graces. Little twerp. But he smelled good today. Ho hum.

So.... now showing... Sethy in a GOOD mood.

Went out for dinner after work with some old old friends I've known for ages. My one friend is humongously obese - he makes me look like a fashion model - got to work on him but he's hopeless. So I met at his house, along with another good friend, who brought a hilarious funny lesbian chick, and the 4 of us went for dinner.

Our friend wanted to go to one of those Japanese/Chinese buffet type places (he eats a whole buffet himself) so we went. I should have known better when we walked in, and the food displays were nearly empty - hardly anything at all. We all kind of looked at each other, but no one really said anything, so we wound up staying.

The food sucked.

But then I saw the duck.

Which will now live in infamy as "The Duck" incident.

They had a station where they cook stuff to order in noodle soup, and next to that was a "carving station" which had a nice-looking half of a Peking duck sitting on it.

I could not resist.

Taking the entire duck, that is.
On a plate.
To the table.

My friends and I were in hysterics LAUGHING so hard. It was truly hilarious!!

I got "busted" when I went back to take the entire bowl of hoisin (plum) sauce back to join the duck at our table.

I mean, OK so it was ON the BUFFET right? So I took it.

LOL

The waitresses were all flummoxed and had no clue what to do - they wanted to take it back, but seeing how I had already sampled a bit..... hahahaha.

TAKE THE DUCK AND RUN!!!

(Sadly, the duck was not very good at all) but it was so nice to be out with friends doing something normal that it more than made up for it. My friend wound up paying for us all - which I really did not want him to do - and I know he was royally pissed because the food sucked - but the company was worth it!!!

What Happened To 17?....

2012-01-17T22:46:00.000-05:00

Woops. Seems I missed Tuesday.
Imagine that.

Moody....

2012-01-16T22:33:00.001-05:00

Mom was in a pissy mood all day because she saw a house she wants to rent (yes, it really is moving time on the near agenda) but of course we can't afford it.

WTF

I don't feel like dealing with her bullshit.

Weekend Off....

2012-01-15T19:24:00.002-05:00

Took the weekend off.

G^oBUCOTD....

2012-01-13T16:34:00.001-05:00

OMG.

Gorgeous Boy !!

I now have gotten the chance to have a "-UCOTD" report. That's the Under(wear) Color Of The Day. (Originally, it was "underoo" which are what Pixie Boy wears, but that's moot now that he's gone). I'm running into a slight problem however - which is that I have both Golden Boy and also Gorgeous Boy that both are "GB" names. So if I do GBUCOTD, it could be confusing. What shall I do?

I'm thinking G^oBUCOTD for Gorgeous Boy and just GBUCOTD for Golden Boy to indicate the difference. I'm also sure that I will have far fewer sightings (unfortunately) of Gorgeous Boy's underwear compared to the other, so it will be simpler that way.

So....

G^oBUCOTD today - (style pending) white boxer-briefs. OMG. He's major sagging, too!! And working in the back room helping out, so bending and lifting. I managed to extend the number of minutes I was in the back area doing little things, just for extra perv time.

I swear he gets more beautiful day by day!!

Lensing...

2012-01-12T21:17:00.000-05:00

I sold the lens to the girl and shipped it out today.

Hope that was the right decision.

Funny thing, about an hour after I gave it to our UPS guy, one of my co-workers came up and asked me if I was the one selling the lens (I had a flyer on the bulletin board) and I chuckled and said yes. The flyer has been up for like 2 weeks - what a coincidence.

I sure hope that's not a bad omen.

My new lens arrived today.

I'm afraid/excited to open it.

Hahaha.

Ebay Waiting...

2012-01-10T16:26:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am paranoid. But to be honest, I just don't trust people these days, especially with all the scams that go on. This a high-value item (to me at least, but an 800 dollar lens is not chump change anyway) and I don't want to get cheated.

What's to say, I ship them the lens, and they cry foul and claim it never appeared, or it was broken or something is wrong - and I get back a box full of rocks, and lose the money too? I don't want to be without a lens, and I can't afford the loss.

I have now sent THREE emails to the buyer - two to the ebay contact, and one directly to her listed email address, all of them urging her to contact me (by phone) to confirm her address.

(Technically, I don't really know where to ship it ANYWAY, since PayPal and EBay both have different addresses if I choose to print a shipping label).

If I don't hear back from her by tomorrow evening, I am going to contact Ebay and report suspicious activity and ask them to cancel the sale. Just because.....

I'm paranoid!!

Ebay Worries...

2012-01-09T21:31:00.000-05:00

OK so my lens sold on Ebay.

I'm worried now about whether to send it out.

Generally I'm paranoid about these sort of things to begin with - too easy to get screwed over. But upon a little investigation now, I'm even more concerned.

The first thing I happened to notice was this:

The email from Ebay with the information that the item sold lists this address as the buyers shipping address:

Kathleen A. Carlson

7305 Arcturas Dr

Sarasota, FL 34243 United States

The PayPal email lists this address:

Kathleen Carlson

720 SW 34th St

Apt I100

Gainesville, FL 32607-2948

United States

So this is a little troubling to begin with. Which one is right? Is this for real or some sort of scam?

I investigated a bit further - the buyer has all positive feedback. The feedback history goes back a few years, with various sellers providing feedback. However, only 3 transactions within the last 90 days - two of them are listed as private items, both from the same person at the same time. The third one, the person bought some sort of cheap music box with toy bear figurines or whatnot, a week or two before Christmas. Also looking back, the person bought items in both June and July, from the same person, who left the exact same feedback comment for both.

I can't see what kind of items she bought before that, in the past, because Ebay no longer keeps/allows you to see the past items. However, I did look at the type of items that other sellers are offering (things which my buyer previously bought) and almost uniformly, the other sellers were offering things like face cream, beauty cream, CD's, and other trinkets - in other words, no major purchases of value. And no history of similar items (in other words, it does not seem that last year she bought, say, a camera filter or camera bag etc).

So now I am thinking - why is this person who bought face cream for $19.95, suddenly buying an 800 dollar camera lens?

Now, on the positive side, the buyer has been an Ebay user since 2000. Some of the other people she bought stuff from also have long-term user accounts (one goes back to the 1990's LOL) so to me it seems not necessarily indicitave of a fly-by-night scam.

(This is where a group of users sign up, sell each other cheap items like 2 dollar trinkets, build up a positive feedback history, then after several months suddenly sell several high-value items and disappear with the money and ship you a box full of newspaper and a rock.)

PayPal provides some buyer protection in that they hold the funds until proof of delivery is confirmed. And you damn well know if I send it, I'm going to want signature proof, delivery confirmation, fingerprints, photo ID, inquests, interrogation, and every other proof that UPS offers.

However - the final line for now is this:

I have sent the buyer an email on Ebay, asking her/him/it to confirm the correct shipping address and method they prefer. I sent the email this morning, no response yet. I will wait until tomorrow morning. and I am going to send a follow up email asking the person to CALL me on the phone to confirm.

If I don't hear back from them by end of business day, I'm NOT going to ship the item. Negative feedback or not, it's not worth it to me to lose the lens and get stiffed somehow.

Close....

2012-01-09T18:03:00.001-05:00

Hmm...

Golden Boy and I just shared an almost-intimate moment, sort of. I was up at the POS and he came from the other end of the store with a question about a shelf tag I had given him to put up. And I semi-answered, and he was like "why don't we both go look at it together" so I followed him to the other part of the store and we were both crouched down rather close together looking at the lower shelf.

How odd.

And recently he seems to be getting a bit closer (physically) when we're talking. And of course the intense eyes....

*shiver*

Weekend + Lens Sold...

2012-01-08T19:49:00.000-05:00

I did absolutely nothing this entire weekend except lay in front of the television. I watched like 10 episodes of the Showtime series "Homeland" which I had never seen before - it's quite interesting. And Mom and I watched a dozen more episodes of "ER" as well.

YAY my lens sold!! On eBay I got a good price for it. However, I am uber-paranoid about shipping it - I always worry that someone will scam me somehow and this is a major item I can't afford to lose. But I guess I will have to have faith in the kindness of my fellow man... gack!!

Ho hum. I don't feel like going to work tomorrow.

The tummy intestinal stuff has been ok this weekend. I ate solid food for the first time on Friday night - poached eggs and dry toast. Saturday had some turkey, steamed rice, and a little steamed spinach. Today was some more eggs, chicken, a plain baked potato (no butter or sour cream) and so far everything is ok. I had some heavy burping this afternoon, but we'll see. No pizza yet.

Oh ahahah Mom just came up with my evening pill (another Zantac) and dropped it in my hand and I went to swallow it and ... yikes it was still in the foil wrapper!! (a postage-stamp sized metal foil piece like most medications come in where you push it out the back. She usually hands me a pill loose ready to swallow. THAT would not have been fun, sitting in the ER waiting for them to pull it out my throat LOL.

Early to bed I did not sleep as much as I wanted today.

Good News...

2012-01-06T18:14:00.001-05:00

Nothing is wrong with me.

Well, I mean something is wrong with me. But the doctor reviewed the results of my CAT scan this morning (and left me a 30-minute long voicemail of details - she really likes voicemail it seems).

Nothing wrong with liver, kidneys, pancreas, gallbladder, stomach, and so forth. Nothing shows out of order except the liver has some extra fat but nothing dire or drastic.

Phew that's a relief.

Now of course, have to figure out where the hell the burping and gas is coming from.

Possibly an ulcer or gastritis. We will find out more with the upcoming endoscopy. Ugh.

Meanwhile, I am returning to normal food slowly - I'm hoping to have some poached eggs and dry toast tonight before I pass out and starve to death.

Barium...

2012-01-05T21:30:00.002-05:00

Mmmm. Tonite's beverage was a glass of barium sulfate mix in preparation for my CAT scan tomorrow morning. Delicious!!

Actually, it didn't really taste like anything at all.

Food....

2012-01-05T21:26:00.007-05:00

After my CAT scan, can I have a PIZZA?
Sausage and peppers, well done and crispy.
*drool*

Regarding "recipes" - I'm the type who cooks by feel, or by sight - I can usually estimate pretty well how much of something I need in a dish, and/or adjust accordingly during cooking. The soup for example, is definitely more an adventure than a specific amount of anything - it may not be exactly 1 cup of carrots, but 4 or 5 carrots look about right... that sort of thing. YMMV

(your mileage may vary)

Someday I might actually write down recipes, or if I ever work in a kitchen again (sigh) I might do that as well, meanwhile I cook with love not measuring cups.

(sadly, this explains why I rarely attempt baking or pastries or desserts - those sort of things actually DO require exact amounts LOL)

Recipes...

2012-01-04T21:57:00.000-05:00

Quick Chicken Broth

2 whole roasted chickens
Carrots
Celery
Onion
Leek
Thyme sprigs
Bay leaf
Parsley stems
Secret Ingredient

Remove skin from chicken. Break chicken apart, including bones. Place all ingredients in large stock pot, cover with water. Bring to simmer. Simmer 1 hour. Strain through coarse strainer and fine strainer. Place soup into large bowl, let cool, refrigerate overnight. When cold, skim and remove any fat on the surface. Use as is for plain broth, or use for cooking or other recipes, or add other ingredients to make a soup, diced vegetables, starch such as noodles or rice.

(Note: this is not the same as my Grandma's chicken soup, which also uses parsnips, turnips, dill, and starts with raw chickens. The dill is a heavy flavoring factor not commonly found in standard chicken soup or broth).

-------------------------------------------------------------

Quick smoothie:

(amounts approximate)
1 banana
8 or 9 strawberries (perhaps 1 cup cut)
1 cup pineapple juice
Sugar to taste (or not)

Directions:
1. Insert ingredients into blender. Blend. Drink.

(it's helpful if you remove the strawberry stems and peel the banana first)

Can add a bazillion other items if desired.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Vegetable Puree Soup

(ingredients not measured because that's how I do it)
Carrots
Celery
Onion
Leek
Parsnips
Turnips
Dill
Parsley
Some dried beans such as lentils, split peas
Barley
Secret Ingredient

Roughly chop all ingredients.
Add to large pot, cover with water, simmer 2 hours or until beans and grains and veggies are soft.
Puree in blender in small batches, taking standard precautions (ie: putting the lid on first)
Season with salt and pepper.
Serve.

This is the simple version. Grandma's vegetable soup is the coarse version - the vegetables are all diced small, the grains cooked until soft.The beans include dried lima beans. It gets some pasta (alphabet shapes are classic) and some mushrooms are added towards the end of cooking. The mushrooms and lima beans are treasures in the soup. Grandma also uses a piece of "flanken" (aka beef short rib) in the soup. Did you ever read the story about stone soup? I love it. You can also use chicken, or the secret ingredient (aka chicken "base").

OK there I admit it - I cheat and use chicken base (like bouillon but not in the stupid cubes) to add lots of flavor on the cheap. This makes the soups not-quite-vegetarian, but you can skip the base, skip the meat, (or use vegetable base) instead. Or with the meat. Or not. The meat makes a wonderful rich addition - the soup is so hearty it can be a meal.

The short version is, you can put whatever you want into the soups, it's all good. The ingredients like dill, parsnips and turnips give the soup a hearty, earthy richness to them.

OK I need to calm down now.

Soup Gas...

2012-01-04T21:40:00.000-05:00

OK despite my good intentions with the pureed vegetable soup, it's causing my stomach to rumble and I'm bloating with gas.

WTF?

Smooth....

2012-01-04T21:39:00.000-05:00

Today I continued my "diet" of liquids and gentle eating to let my bowels rest and relax. The only solid food I ate today was a couple of crackers with dinner. Breakfast was tea, apple juice, and cream of wheat cereal. Lunch was split between chicken soup (clear broth matzoh ball type, although I forced myself not to eat even the matzoh balls) and some applesauce, as well as peach-orange juice (Nantucket Nectars favorite). And of course tea and water all day.

I came home prepared to make two "dishes" - one was a plan to turn the chicken broth that I prepared last night, into a chicken consomme, but the broth was tasty enough to survive on its own and I didn't feel like making a consomme. However, I made a quick (well, relatively) vegetable soup, with a ton of good stuff in it - which I then pureed. It's kind of an ugly color, but tastes delicious. I also made a quick "smoothie" - just strawberries, banana, and pineapple juice with a little sugar. I'm suddenly excited to try some other smoothies - although I hate the vegetable type - we've got several non-dairy options in the store (since I'm sticking away from dairy for a few days) such as the standard soy yogurt, coconut yogurt, and a new almond-milk yogurt I have yet to try.

Anyway, today was again awkward at work with Flirty Boy and it was kind of tough especially as he was getting ready to leave - for me to restrain myself and not blurt out things without thinking them through a bit more. However, I once again managed to take what (I think) is the right path.

Although, I was sorely tempted to give him a special little sign - I printed out the UnderArmour logo on a piece of paper, and I was going to hand it to him and walk away. This is my convoluted and awkward reference to his underwear - the time he was wearing UnderArmour and I got a peek of the waistband - and wanted the underwear he was wearing. *sigh* Another pervert moment.

However, I also did not do that.

So confused.

I'm actually in a good mood tonite - cooking is distracting (in a good way) for me, and Mom and I didn't even have any arguements.

Heh.

Bad Way....

2012-01-03T20:01:00.000-05:00

I'm in a bad way.

Today all day I ignored Flirty Boy and it's tense and difficult. As the evening approached, we made eye contact and he eventually smiled a bit - and then finally asked me "you why you not talking to me" or something like that, to which I just looked at him and arched my eyebrows and said nothing, and he said "aaight" and walked away.

I am so emotional right now. Why? I'm torn with indecision. Part of me wants to just walk up to him and say "hi Flirty Boy want a blowjob?" and part of me just wants to be able to touch grope him a little. Or see him in those UnderArmour underwear I once saw the waistband.

I'm a fucking pervert.

And he's a fucking COCK-TEASE.

I know - it's wrong in many ways. It's not advisable. I've made one strong decision which helped me avoid a moment of weakness - I'm not going to BRIBE him for something sexual in return. That will just make me feel like shit. And look even more pathetic.

I was just going to blurt it out today however. Mostly because I want CONTACT - someone,, anyone, anything. I was so close to saying something to him - either sex or underwear - and I managed to force myself to walk out the door instead, after hovering around for an extra hour of work which really was solely for the purpose of walking back and forth around Flirty Boy and TORMENTING MYSELF for fucks sake.

So I want to fucking cry. I feel ashamed. I feel deprived. I feel horny. I feel pathetic. I feel sad - and sinking into an even deeper depression. The slight feeling of pride I have for being able to resist is completely overwhelmed by new depression and anxiety - sinking deeper into despair.

I want touch, contact, cuddling, groping, heavy petting (I hate that term) or something. I don't even want sex. I just don't want to be alone anymore. I have nothing in life.

And here I am so pathetic I would practically debase myself for a moment of very uncomfortable private interaction.

I'd better stop my thoughts right there right now because otherwise I'm liable to sink into a total panicky despair - and these days I'm nervous I could come much closer to the edge.

And besides, my burping is back. Maybe it's anxiety too.

Cry.

Continued Burping....

2012-01-02T22:01:00.000-05:00

I think I might have to go to the hospital at this point - I can't stop this horrid belching and it's hurting my chest and making me light-headed now. All day I've had bouts of this condition, about an hour at a time, then it goes away for an hour or two, then another two hours of constant burping.

I dunno what the fuck is wrong.

Mom thinks it might be the Januvia, the medicine I was on which controlled my afternoon drop in blood sugar. Supposedly it can cause all sorts of pancreas issues.

Or it could just be foods. Fatty foods.

Today I had a small bowl of creamed wheat for breakfast with pineapple juice. For lunch a small bowl of chicken soup for lunch. Some grilled chicken, boiled rice, and canned peas for dinner, along with applesauce. Beverage wise, I had some tea this morning, water, orange juice, pineapple juice, and some flat soda with dinner. Then a glass of milk and some Haagen-Dazs. (OK, I know this is not exactly an ideal food).

And now the burps are back worse than ever. It's actually hurting my chest to keep burping so much. It's just air though - nothing smelly, acidic, whatever. Gross.

Ugh.

I don't feel like spending the whole night in the fucking hospital.

I have to be at work in the morning for some stupid sale shit that is coming in and oh my god what would happen if it was not put on sale by me since the fucking GM is too incapable.

Ugh

Thumbing...

2012-01-02T13:59:00.001-05:00

Damn this USB thumb drive - part of a set for weekly backups. For some reason it has decide it will only be read-only no matter what I do to change that.

I tried using diskpart commands to clear the read-only attribute.

No luck.

I tried a registry hack to prevent read-only being set.

No go.

I tried reformatting.

Nope.

I tried deleting the partition, repairing the MBR.

Not happening.

I tried running a surface scan. No problems found.

Not going to help.

WTF

WAIT.... it appears I was finally able to repair the MBR, format the device. Now doing a full format to make sure, then will test. This might be it!!

Not sure yet......

Day Two... Terrific....

2012-01-02T09:43:00.001-05:00

Not really.

On Sunday morning, Pinky had diarrhea several times, and vomited several times. Mom was freaked out and I was very upset. But she was fine all day, ate, played, normal, even nursed.

Then last night around 12:30am, which is technically day 2 of the year, I awoke to the sound of Pinky vomiting. I cleaned it up, and went to lay down again even though I was nervous and wanted to get up and go check on her. Then a few minutes later, I heard Mom making noises in her room - she said Pinky had diarrhea again. At which point, it was decided a trip to the emergency 24-hour vet was required.

Nothing like spending most of the night traveling to the vet. Especially as Pinky immediately went poop upon getting in the car. Whew!!

They didn't see anything immediately obvious, they did some blood work so we had to wait another extra 45 minutes for the results of that. Basically, nothing was wrong, waiting on one result of some blood they had to send out for analysis.

They gave her a little extra fluid, something to stop the diarrhea and nausea and some kind of anti-biotic I think. She seemed OK this morning, Mom said.

I did not get to bed until 4:30 am, and the alarm was blaring at 7:30 am. I mean shit happens, but.... ffs

So far this year is shaping up to be just terrific. FML Day 2

Part 2 Day 1.....

2012-01-01T18:36:00.000-05:00

After our argument, I sulked in my room and spent a few hours surfing the net. Then I finally got up the energy to shower, and go out someplace, had no idea where. Spent a while driving through the area in surrounding towns, finally wound up passing a historic farmhouse they turned into a nature preserve type thing. So I took a few pictures, went for a bit of a walk and took in some fresh air. That was nice.

Then I came home to the tense post-arguement angry mood setting. I was getting a bit hungry - had skipped lunch and it was 4pm already. Mom and I had planned dinner at the diner later in the evening. So I started heating up some soup in the microwave, and she jumped up from the couch and was all screaming about "now you'r eating I was going to go out to dinner now" - like what the fuck 2 minutes before she was half-dozing on the couch ignoring me. Whatever.

So we went for dinner, it was tedious - cold silence, and Mom having one of her usual snit-fits and bitching and making a scene about everything - the other table got their bread and water before ours. They didn't bring our salads for "a half hour" and then the other table got theirs again, and then they brought dinner right after and she started bitching loudly. Her usual - it must be a conspiracy against us, how dare they forget, the waitress is horrible, this is ridiculous - she was in full manic swing or whatever to call it. Her BPD way out of control lately.

Now home, burping heavily - obviously fried foods and fatty foods do not agree with me anymore. Fuck.

Well, whatever.

So Far So Bad....

2012-01-01T11:54:00.000-05:00

Terrific start to the new year this morning. Mom wakes me up because Pinky is having diarrhea x3 and vomiting x2 and Mom is freaking out.

Getting out of bed, my back pops so I'm now in total agony all of a sudden.

We keep an eye on Pinky for an hour, Mom is worried so she calls the emergency vet to see what we should do. Pinky is acting pretty much normal except for her intestinal issues, but then Mom thinks she is breathing funny (her breaths did look a bit short). Pinky wandered off the couch, Mom said she went to throw up again, then started heading back into the room.

I told Mom leave her alone, don't pick her up, I want to see where she goes and what she does to see how she is acting. So Mom insists on picking her up, and I get pissed off at her. Then she starts yelling at me, and I start yelling at her. Soon things are being thrown and banged on while we scream at each other. Fucking hell.

I slam around the kitchen to get breakfast - and Mom goes upstairs to sulk.

So terrific morning - sick cat, screaming argument, and back pain.

And I'm already fucking depressed as can be now to begin with.

Gee great fucking way to start the new year.

FML as the saying goes.

New Year....

2011-12-31T21:47:00.000-05:00

As I reflect upon the....

Oh who the hell cares. Tomorrow will be just another day. And life will still suck just as much. Maybe I'll make some "New Years Resolutions" to change things - not that I will but I can delude myself for at least a few days. I know that's a shitty attitude but it suits me just fine.

(May you have a happy and healthy new year to all my readers)

One word sums up this past year:

Meh.

Goodnite.

PBUCOTD And GBBCOTD...

2011-12-30T17:09:00.001-05:00

Pixie Boy - solid blue same color waistband, he's looking better/cuter today then the other day when I first saw him.

And the new.... Golden Boy Boxers Color Of The Day - not quite as frequent sightings, but today a sort of light green plaid. I've never seen him in anything but regular boxer shorts.

I completely ignored Flirty Boy all day, barely even passed by him that many times. I saw him punching out on his way home and turned around and ignored him. Enough with that. HE never bothers to say hello or anything - so I'm done with going out of my way to acknowledge him.

Ignore...

2011-12-29T10:12:00.001-05:00

I feel sad having/choosing to ignore Flirty Boy but I think it's for the best right now, I was getting too deep into the petty wordplay with him. But it does create a big cold void in the room every time he comes in or I walk past him. Likewise with Deli Boy #2 but he's much easier to ignore. Whatever.

Ho hum.

Other news - no burping all night - but this morning as soon as I woke up - and SAT upright - it started just a bit. I don't know what's going on.

I'm also severely depressed again but somehow containing my emotions and feelings in the usual fragile shell - which basically means I work, come home and go to bed. My life is a waste right now, as usual.

Fuck it. Spring semester / courses at college begin soon I'm considering something - but now with the looming move in the near future (2 months?) I don't want to commit several hundred dollars to a course and wind up living too far away to continue. I mean I suppose I could commute, but a move represents a huge upset to my comfort zone - and upheaval I don't want to deal with.

Meh,...

2011-12-28T19:13:00.002-05:00

Meh.

I did not talk to Flirty Boy the entire day.

I am sick - something wrong with my gastro-intestinal tract obviously - I am having these horrible non-stop barely-controllable burps. Gas filled. Ugh.

Tuesday....

2011-12-27T21:47:00.000-05:00

Ho hum.

Chiropractor tonite helped.

I am just totally pissed off at Flirty Boy he tries my patience and I am sick of the little games and flirting and petty bullshit. When I left before the holiday I said to him "have a nice holiday" or whatever and he kind of ignored me and then mumbled "same" in a barely audible voice practically ignoring me. Fuck him. Then today I said hello 3 times before he finally acknowledged me. I'm not going to take shit from him with mind games and moods and whatever. I am going to completely ignore him. Put out or shut up, as someone once told me. However, it's a big "meh" now.

Ahhh... Gorgeous Boy on the other hand... *sigh*

Necking....

2011-12-26T19:45:00.002-05:00

Masssive major back and neck pain today, I had such a splitting headache I'm not even sure why I stayed at work.

Ugh.

The Dreaded "M" Word...

2011-12-26T14:35:00.001-05:00

Yes, it's Mom's migratory time. We've lasted what, 2 years here in our current location and she's chafing at the big to move because of such drastic conditions in our current place. All of these drastic issues are in her head.

I find myself, as usual, completely apathetic.

I also find myself, as usual, stuck with here - there is no way I can really afford to move someplace on my own (rent an apartment) and no way anything will ever change, except my address and phone number.

Stuck.

As usual. FML

This time she wants a house, not a condo or townhouse.

Whatever.

Double Odd...

2011-12-25T20:45:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks back, in Philly one day while going for dimsum, we passed a couple about 2 blocks from the restaurant, and I had this sudden knowledge and feeling that they were going to the same restaurant. They showed up right behind us, as we both wound up going to the exact same place.

So today Mom and I went to Philly for Vietnamese food. When we parked the car, another car pulled up behind us and we wound up discussing whether or not we had to pay the parking meter, since it was a Sunday and a holiday (we did) and they were waiting to use the pay machine as we walked away.

We had a two block walk to the restaurant.

As we approached the restaurant, I turned around - and the people from the car were right behind us!! They were going to the same restaurant!!

How odd?? I mean, out of all the different ways they could have turned at the corner, out of all the different restaurants they could have been headed towards - both times I had this coincidence.

*shrug*

Happy Holidays....

2011-12-24T20:40:00.001-05:00

Have a wonderful happy holiday season to all my readers!!

Thanks for being here :)

Top....

2011-12-23T14:53:00.001-05:00

I asked Golden Boy about the cereal that needed to be stocked (we have a ton that got delivered) I said "and you haven't even gotten to the cereal yet" - he was working on something else. And he replied "Don't worry - I'm on top of it..." I almost said "I wish you were on top of me....

Flirty Boy pisses me off. This morning he was in a foul mood. Then I passed by and said something to him, and he was like "I'm gonna pretend I don't even know you" and I kind of floundered and said "fine then I'm not gonna talk to you anymore, ever" - very mature, I know - but fuck him, now I don't feel like bothering to say anything - but I don't want to leave without saying happy holidays.

Meh. It's chaos down in the store - I am hiding in the office.

PBUCOTD... And A Soft Touch...

2011-12-22T15:34:00.001-05:00

Oooh... here's a blast from the past... I am now able to once again follow the old Pixie Boy Underoo Color Of The Day that I used to keep track of when he was working here.

Today's PBUCOTD: Blue

Yay!!

In other news, Golden Boy gave me a high-five today. Touch!! Contact!! His hand and arm are very SMOOTH. I was very close to him as I looked into his eyes and said hello. I'm not sure what the high-five was all about - it was definitely something new and different. Heck - a touch makes me melt LOL.

Ho hum.

A Bit More....

2011-12-22T07:53:00.002-05:00

natur asks more about GB's military service - yes, perhaps he did mean Annapolis. I can't see him being a grunt. He mentioned wanting to serve on an aircraft carrier. He likes water, and he likes flying. (I told him, you know that flying airplanes and the ocean is NOT a good combination right? LOL). However, I also just realized his pictures show him wearing glasses - I may be wrong but don't you have to have perfect 20-20 vision (uncorrected) to be a fighter pilot?

Anyway... WARP - sadly, in our store, the two versions of the acronym are mostly interchangeable. Or actually, you could say we have a POS POS system. LOL

Gorgeous Picture...

2011-12-22T07:49:00.000-05:00

I have completed my initial stalking of Gorgeous Boy finding some info about him on the web. Hah hah creepy but I'm just curious.

He used to be in military school, he runs cross-country (and possibly track) and used to wrestle. (Woot!!) He's got religion, pretty much a dorky kid, not one of the cool kids, but not at all a jock either. Hmm... hahah that's about all. I DID get a very good picture of him from online. LOL. He really IS gorgeous too. Forget being a damn fighter pilot in the Navy, he should march immediately to the nearest model agency.

I'll just continue staring all the time.

:)

Gorgeous....

2011-12-21T22:20:00.000-05:00

I have officially decided to name the new kid "Gorgeous Boy" due to the fact that he IS in fact quite gorgeous. Seriously cute. He puts Frat Boy to shame!! He's even hotter than the short-lived Finest Boy, and prettier than Golden Boy. Model good looks. And, yes, he smells good. Very good.

Welcome, Gorgeous Boy to my obsessions.

Ho hum.

Oh right - so the funny thing was, I did actually have some work to do on the POS, which gave me the excuse to hang out right next to him - oh he smells good!! - and even to talk a bit. (Go me... socializing just a teeny bit). So, in the course of our conversation I wound up saying two things which put my foot in my mouth. Conversation with Gorgeous Boy.

Another co-worker started a bit of conversation about toy stores, and I mentioned the movie "The Toy" - an old Richard Pryor movie I recommend. And I described the other principle character as a "spoiled rotten military school brat" in a somewhat negative way.

A few minutes later, conversation touched on the topic of another co-worker who plans on joining the Army. (He won't last 2 days in basic training, being the goofball he is). But I said something like "he's an idiot to want to join the Army" or something.

Anyway, a bit after that, I discussed school and stuff with Gorgeous Boy and then asked him, what are his college plans when he graduates? And he proudly said, "I want to join the Navy" .... ..... .... oy, I felt SO stupid having just said two things disparaging the military. LOL I mean, nothing wrong he didn't seem offended or even seem to notice it but it still felt slightly awkward, at least in my mind.

*sigh* I hope he doesn't come in with his track uniform or gym bag in the spring - I will be overwhelemed.

I also avoided Flirty Boy today.

Hectic Day....

2011-12-21T22:04:00.000-05:00

Phew... what a chaotic day. I'm exhausted, stressed, and wiped out. Actually was only stressed all morning but not now.

I needed to do a software upgrade on our credit/debit machines at work, so I woke up early and loaded the updates onto one of the POS, and called and had a co-worker check that it was working before the store opened.

I'm not even sure now what happened, but when I started working on the other terminals, suddenly everything went to crap, and for a while we couldn't process any credit card transactions, then I tried something else and the transactions would just go through without the customer having to sign for the purchase. Ugh.

So, I put in an urgent tech support ticket.

Meanwhile, I brought the older laptop that another co-worker had given me a while back - it worked fine as a basic machine, a couple years old. I wanted to do a clean install of Windows. The laptop has been sitting in a laptop back in the hallway for a few months since last used.

So, I plugged it in, and there was a giant black band across the LCD display distorting everything. This was the second "argh!!" moment of the day. I figured I would perform surgery on the machine, in the hopes of finding a bad connection or something easily fixed. If not, it was going to the garbage, it was certainly not worth putting money into to upgrade.

Meanwhile, I was running up and down the stairs trying to fix the damn POS situation. At one point, while waiting for help to call me back, I saw one of the terminals crashed. So I was in the process of copying the error log files onto my office computer so I could attach them to a new support ticket.

I noticed while browsing, that my entire documents folder (on my office computer) was accessible. I don't have anything private on there, but I still don't want people to have access to things in those folders.

So for some reason, I decided to blatantly change the security settings on C: so that no one had access. But, I'm not even sure at this point what the hell I did - I was still flustered with worry about the other issue. I think, basically, I changed the permissions for "All Users" to DENY - well, let's just say it fucked things up royally. Programs would not launch, shortcuts missing, everything just screwed up.

Another aarrrghh moment.

Meanwhile, the tech support guy called back and I threw myself upon his mercy to save me and make things work right downstairs.

We had to work through changes from one machine to the next, 5 POS in all. Each one required almost 10 minutes solid where it could not be used. In addition to me running around from one to another, and back and forth from the office, I was so overwhelmed I wanted to scream.

It was chaos because for several minutes we could not again process any credit transactions, cashiers in a panic, complications, long lines of people because I had to shut down one of the lanes at a time, making the cashiers and customers move from one place to another.

It took almost 3 hours of tech support to finally work through everything and get it all running smoothly again. I was wiped out - I hadn't even had a moment to grab a sip of water, and the stress was just killing me.

So, finally, I got that solved, took a short breather, and then went up to the office to tackle the laptop as well as my computer folder permission blah blah issues.

The laptop first - sad to say, the laptop died on the operating table. Despite the doctor doing the best he could, the damage was too severe and the patient was lost. Actually, I took it apart, tried making sure the hinge/cable connection was firm, but when I restarted, it was still screwed up with the fuzzy semi-transparent strip across the screen. It was dead. (it could have been the hinge/cable connection, the video card, the power, or several other things that might have needed replacement - all of which were more than $0.00 which was the amount I was willing to spend). So... play "Taps" and toss it unceremoniusly in the dumpster.

Finally, I worked on tackling the file/folder permissions on my machine. Afte trying several times changing permissions, things were still a bit hinky. So I decided, fuck it - System Restore to the rescue. Thankfully, it worked. All better!!

Phew. What a crappy morning/mid-day.

The only highlight of the afternoon was that the new boy came in to work. Woot!! (more to follow)....

I made potato latkes for dinner.

Chanukah And Flirty....

2011-12-20T21:32:00.001-05:00

Happy Chanukah for any of my readers of the Jooooish faith.

Mom made me light the Chanukah candles. She bought me a present - a black t-shirt with the word "meh" printed on it. So fitting!!

Flirty Boy and I are entering dangerous territory of actually discussing a barter arrangement for umm... right-o - but I have to remind myself that HE is not WORTH it..... Percocets or not. So mixed emotions and confusing kind of. Something - very awkward. Very.... I dunno. This is not a road I really want to go down - but as usual I find myself caught in the web of flirtation.

Meh, as the t-shirt says.

I've decided I will more than likely name the new boy as simply "gorgeous boy" because he is - but it's not definite yet. He smells wonderful - although today I think he might have needed a shower.

Ho hum.

My co-worker one of the managers kind of peeved me. This is the guy who lives like literally a block away in the same townhouse complex. We've never offered to share rides to work. We've talked a bit about going out for dinner, or for dimsum, or something - he and his wife are relatively adventurous. (This is the one I shot the "wedding" photos for). She also constantly bakes wonderful desserts. We've also discussed getting a bunch of the managers together and going for brunch one weekend.

So anyway, last week I heard a few of the managers discussing, we're going for brunch this weekend. OK, whatever.

So today, they talked about how they all went for brunch, AND his wife went to each of their houses and delivered loads of baked goods and desserts. Umm.. WTF? I'm like a block away? How odd... I mean I don't necessarily need to be included but... makes me feel kind of left out. Whatever. Nitwits.

*shrug*

Return Of Pixie Boy....

2011-12-19T23:07:00.000-05:00

Pixie Boy is back in town for a limited engagement!! Actually, he graduated college and he probably took some arcane major like "Philosophical Spacing Out In Public" so the chances of him landing a real job might be slim to none, I'm not sure. But he might wind up back in the produce department for any length of time.

Sadly, from the brief hello today, I realized he really looks like shit.

As in, not cute anymore.

Of course, compared to the new boy (still need a name for him) and even to Golden and Frat boys, he's a distant 4th or 5th place hahaha.

I will investigate further when he works his first shift.

Conversation...

2011-12-19T23:04:00.000-05:00

Talking with Golden Boy I never know whether he's serious, being facetious, or what. I mean, he's incredibly sarcastic, and comes across sounding really nasty - not rude but just sounds like he's a prick. Sometimes. Sometimes it's like "good morning, Golden Boy, how are you today?" and he growls "fine" but one day he will be more exuberant and happy and say "I'm just terrific" but it comes across sounding like you asshole. Sarcastic I guess... I can't think of the right word here. But other times, I never know if he's kidding. It's like "oh today is a great day" - is he being facetious? blunt? rude? sarcastic? nasty?

I dunno. We have snippets of coversation throughout the day like that - just a few lines exchanged at most. And I never know - I come across sounding like an ass, and he comes across sounding like an ass... so confusing.

Today we had a discussion about that - he telling how his attitude... FLIPPANT is the word I was thinking of.... has been pissing people off since 5th grade. If you met him, you're probably think what an obnoxious nasty jerk. But at the same time, I see he is trying not to be like that. Of course he's going through much more since he's sober. And of course I'm projecting my own desires and fantasies and thoughts onto any situation, so that's a bit skewed to say something positive about him without really knowing much beyond his sarcasm and often nasty attitude.

Ehhh. I'm confused.

--------------

Good Morning, Vietnam...

2011-12-18T16:48:00.000-05:00

My new doctor is Vietnamese. She recommended to Mom the name of a good Vietnamese restaurant in Philly. (The one we go to is awesome, but we figured give this one a try).

DE-YUMMY-LISHUS

We had the usual summer rolls (rice paper, pork, shrimp etc) and then Mom had grilled shrimp and I had the grape leaves, Yum!! Except, remind me that ordering the version where you roll them yourself in rice paper is silly - me trying to roll up little burrito-like packages was a tragic comedy!!

So far no arguing. Oh and no headaches since Wednesday... sadly, chocolate is looking more and more like the culprit. Damnit.

Saturday Movie...

2011-12-17T16:43:00.000-05:00

I skipped Saturday, as usual.

Mom had rented "Paranormal Activity" from Netflix. It has to be one of the worst, stupidest movies I have seen in years. After 20 minutes, I started fast-forwarding to the night scenes - and nothing. It was so SCARY because it was a HORROR how BAD it was. And we had popcorn and Twizzlers and Coke too. Meh. Watched a few episodes of ER - I like it, but it's always terribly depressing/sad in most episodes. Who needs that?

Naughty...

2011-12-16T15:00:00.001-05:00

I'm really all about Flirty Boy this week, he's looking mighty fine. For a while I was not quite turned off, but not quite looking at him like that.

He's gotten much skinnier recently, and a tight t-shirt accents that. Plus of course snug jeans and a big bulge ffs it turns me on. And thinking about those UnderArmour shorts he was wearing one day... I want to see them fully.

*sigh*

And I had a raunchy-humorous thought a little while ago. While using a sanitizing wipe on the phone handset - which is one of my little OCD quirks - I realized, as far as OCD goes it's somewhat funny and odd that I won't put the telephone near my face, but I'd probably put his cock in my mouth.... that's Flirty Boy or Golden Boy or Fuzzy Boy or.....

I'm recently expressing my sexual thoughts more openly and bluntly on here, in case it was not obvious.

*SIGH* One of those weeks the hormones are out of control, it makes me ache inside with lust. And, of course, that makes me depressed as I go unfulfilled.

Dangerous...

2011-12-15T21:44:00.000-05:00

Despondent. Skirting the line of suicidal. I'm not gonna do anything, but I just feel like I want to cry and scream and just fucking die. I just freeze in place here I don't even want to move my head.

So usually I'll sit here for a few minutes, look at some porn, find nothing at all satisfying, life included, and figure out some way to knock myself out with pills.

Fuck. That's the truth. No sugar coating. I don't care. I am utterly despondent and calmly self-destructive. I don't care about work, I'm fed up with shit, I don't care about life.

Tomorrow I have to go in the morning for an ultrasound of my abdomen to see whats going on. One little thing at a time. Fuck.

Glum...

2011-12-15T21:39:00.000-05:00

Grumpy, stressed leads to sad and depressed and generally glum.

The excitement of the evening was staying home. As usual. But I did something other than sit on the computer - I cooked up a batch of caponata that I enjoy. It's pretty good, not my best.

But I'm so fucking down I want to cry.

Lonely. No life. The usual shit.

And it's all my fault.

Long Day...

2011-12-15T18:10:00.001-05:00

Phew a boring day turned into quite a busy day, some technical problems all afternoon got me grumpy, pissed and stressed.

On another topic....

But.... I had NO chocolate for breakfast (no chocolate milk or hot cocoa). And, I had NO chocolate covered almonds for afternoon snack... AND...... I HAVE NO HEADACHE TODAY.

I think it might be a chocolate allergy.

:( :( :(

Waah. I may not survive.

Doc....

2011-12-14T21:21:00.000-05:00

Mom found us a new doctor, for sure. She's a funny little Asian woman, but very smart, and very thorough. She only did a partial physical to begin - and even that was more comprehensive than anything our (now former) PA has ever done.

We're going to focus on the gastro-intestinal issues, the headaches, and then go from that point to address many other things.

The brief results: Of course, my blood pressure is too high - borderline high, right on the edge but certainly can be taken care of. She did not find any indications of gallbladder problems, but did find my liver was somewhat inflamed (a bit of tenderness) which is a cause for worry. But certainly can be a problem caused by too much ibuprofen and acetaminophen. Bad - but hopefully not too serious - I'm stopping them both immediately as much as possible.

I'll be starting a new medication for heartburn (Nexium, prescription) and she gave me some sort of sinus/nasal/allergy spray - possibly might help get rid of the headaches. I need to go for a sleep study - sleep apnea is almost a given but not proven. I need to go for an ultrasound for my liver and gallbladder. She suggested an endoscopy to see if I might have an ulcer, but I think I will try and avoid that.

Ugh suddenly I just need to get away from the computer right this moment... more to follow. I just got so tired and my eyes sensitive I must step away.

Anyway quickly - had a good day - very relaxed and felt good until late afternoon - headache, heartburn. Meh.

I dunno.

Looking...

2011-12-13T17:29:00.001-05:00

Flirty Boy is looking mighty fine today. Some days he kind of turns me off a bit. Today he's looking skinny and somewhat sexy.

And of course the new boy is here now. *sigh* A long-sleeve UnderArmour compression shirt can be quite sexy.

I am sinking deeper into depression.

Crappy...

2011-12-13T13:12:00.001-05:00

I've been feeling like shit for the last - well, for quite a while now. The thing that has me concerned most is my headaches - frequent - daily - and escalating - a few times approaching migraine-level. Sudafed Sinus (pseudoephedrine) knocks it down along with a handful of either Tylenol or Motrin (acetaminophen or ibuprofen) - all generic of course. But I can't keep popping them all twice a day to combat headaches.

I can't figure out what the root problem is. Of course in my melodramatic over-paranoid way, I am sure I have some kind of brain tumor. But more likely is my neck or my sinuses. Neck pain is always present - I have horrible posture, and I sleep in a horrible way with my neck all contorted, plus I hunch over a lot especially at my desk. Sinus-wise, allergies were awful much of this year - the constant weather fluctuations (snow in October, beach weather in November) have played havoc. Add in some food allergies, and it's a recipe for sure sinus disaster

So aside from that....

The next big problem which seems to be emerging - issues with my digestive system. Mom has gotten me all freaked out worried that I'm having issues with my gall bladder. It's true, I do have many of the symptoms and things seem worse yesterday and today. I've had horrible issues with excessive and nearly uncontrollable burping episodes - several in the last few months. And of course major heartburn/acid reflux/indigestion which I was treating with Prevacid but have switched to Zantac for the last several days. But I've also had frequent stomach aches - generally just a mess in my intestines. It could be several things - too much heavy greasy food (lots of that lately as diet has gone to shit). It could also be the more recent use of the Januvia which helps regulate blood sugar (technically for diabetes but I'm only "at risk"). It could also be the switch from the Prevacid to the Zantac, although most of these symptoms were present prior to that.

Yesterday and this morning, I was itching all over my body mostly my chest, back, and legs. I took Benadryl before bed (slept a solid 4 hours, btw) and this morning not as bad but still itchy. One of the signs of a gallbladder "attack" is unfocused itching - something to do with excess bile in the bloodstream. Today, my gut kind of aches. Not any sort of pain which would indicate a more severe situation, just a sort of dull ache in my upper abdomen.

I woke up a bit nauseous, but was feeling OK this morning, now I am getting a little nauseous again. Of course, I only had a butter/jelly toasted English muffin this morning, a cup of tea, and a little OJ as well. So by now it's definitely time for lunch food intake. (Constant problem I want too long to eat lunch and get sick from not eating)

Ugh.

Oh, and I won't mention that my depression has gotten quite severe again - really dipping low the last couple of weeks down and glum and despondent and actually more mellow-slow-but-constant depression. Meh.

Finest Visit...

2011-12-12T15:26:00.001-05:00

Finest Boy just came up to the office to speak to the GM and pay back some of the money he stole (his parents found out and are making him pay it back).

He was very smiley-happy and cute and gave me what seemed a significant look. I'm probably just projecting.

But he very deliberately stood to the side and behind me and did a huge arms-over-head stretch, showing a huge amount of waistband and a bit of smooth tummy!!

OMG

For the record, he's wearing Star Wars boxers.